Do You Deserve to Be Where You Are?

November 2021

Have you ever noticed how young children believe they can do anything? The fears and self-doubts that we develop as we mature rarely inhibit youngsters from doing whatever it is they believe they can do.

Think about it. Kids love to role play. While they may know little about any particular career track, their lack of insight doesn’t stop them from playing doctor, head chef, astronaut, ballet dancer, or whatever—and they believe in themselves when playing the role.  Just as in the story Peter Pan, Wendy, John, and Michael Darling believed they could fly—and they did!  

Despite what others may think of you, the way you see yourself—what you believe you can do—is one of the strongest influences over your own success. As Henry Ford once said, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.”   

Why is it that some of us see ourselves as less capable or less deserving than others believe us to be?  

Of course, each of us feels some self-doubt from time to time. It’s a natural human condition. On the flip side, over-confidence can get us into trouble if we fail to recognize potential dangers that could have serious consequences.

Yet, insidious feelings of self-doubt can cause us to hold ourselves back, even when we already possess whatever talents we need to step forward and lead the way as an inspirational role model. Not believing in our own abilities—those nagging feelings that we don’t deserve to be where we are—is referred to as the impostor syndrome. 

Despite the bold self-confidence I usually project, I have certainly felt pangs of the imposter syndrome at times. I shared one such example in my latest book, Women on Top, What’s Keeping You From Executive Leadership?

My VP boss once said to me, “Deb, do you realize how, whenever you walk into a room, all heads turn to you? Everyone is dying to hear what you have to say.”

My immediate response was, “I’ve never noticed that.” Yet I was really thinking You’ve got to be kidding me! But after giving his remarks some thoughtful consideration, I realized it must be true or he wouldn’t have said it.

When I launched my leadership development company, I was taken aback by the number of “high potentials” in our program who did not believe themselves to be of the caliber their CEOs or other senior executives believed they were. After wrestling with this conundrum—why otherwise talented and highly capable individuals fail to see themselves as others see them—I finally had an epiphany.

Thanks to an insightful conversation with an obviously successful senior executive—someone who oversaw global manufacturing operations for a Fortune 100 conglomerate—I came to discover why some of our imposter syndrome-laden hi-pos were earning less than their peers. This one executive’s story about how he landed his first job out of college—and how he kept going straight up the career ladder at a velocity far faster than most of his college classmates—went like this:

I grew up in an average blue-collar family and we lived in an average blue-collar neighborhood. My parents were children of the Great Depression. Neither of them went to college. Yet, they believed in the America dream and they both worked long, hard hours to get ahead.

My parents insisted I would go to college because they believed that was the only way anyone could ever become truly successful in life. So, they scrimped, and they saved, and they sent me to our local state university.     

When it came time for me to graduate, I interviewed with all the corporate recruiters who came to campus. At the time, I had no concept of the kind of pay newly minted college graduates typically earned. I just assumed that with a BS degree in Electrical & Electronic Engineering, I would be paid a great deal more money than my parents ever earned.

When one of the most prestigious aerospace firms on the planet offered me an entry level engineering position, I was actually insulted by their offer. The starting salary was far less than I had expected. I immediately rejected their offer and countered by demanding an amount nearly four times what they had offered me.

Between you and me, I had no clue that there were such things as job levels and pay grades, and I never thought to ask—which turned out to be a blessing. Knowing what I know now, I’m surprised they didn’t slam the door on me, but they didn’t. Apparently, my self-confident hutzpah impressed them enough that they ultimately offered me a management position, several pay bands above the entry level job they had first offered me. The final salary came in just below what I had originally countered with.

I had no idea what I had asked for was unusual for someone right out of school.  I simply demanded what I thought I deserved after spending four years to obtain an engineering degree. I handled all my subsequent promotions in the same way, and I stayed with that company until I retired. I never saw myself as an imposter. I believed I deserved what I asked for, all throughout my career.

Which just goes to show that Henry Ford was correct:  whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.  

So, if you don’t believe you deserve to be where you are, ask yourself why that is. Perhaps you should stop selling yourself short.

Then, ask yourself what you think you can do, and then—like a prima ballerina—take that first big, bold leap. Just go for it. Believe in yourself.

Who knows? You just might get what you ask for.